Before You Ask for Money, Ask This: The Power of the Pre-Ask
Are you getting ready to ask someone for a gift? Maybe you’ve been putting it off because you’re not quite sure they’re ready. Or you’re pretty sure they’ll give, but you have no idea how much to ask for.
We have a tool for that. It’s called the pre-ask, and it’s one of our favorite parts of Values-Based Major Gifts (VBMG).
A pre-ask is a conversation that happens before you make a specific gift request. It’s a chance to be transparent about where the relationship is headed, learn more about someone’s interest in giving, and get their input on what a meaningful gift might look like.
And here’s the part we love: You don’t have to guess. You can ask.
Stop trying to read your donors’ minds
One of the biggest time-wasters in major gifts fundraising is trying to figure out what someone might give without actually talking to them about money.
We’ve seen fundraising teams spend weeks debating whether a donor is ready, what amount to ask for, whether they’ll be offended, or whether asking will somehow damage the relationship.
Meanwhile, the donor has no idea any of this is happening.
And sometimes the fundraiser is so worried about getting the ask wrong that they don’t make one at all.
We get it. Asking someone for money can feel vulnerable, especially when you’ve invested time and care in building a relationship. You don’t want to make assumptions, push too hard, or lose someone’s trust.
But avoiding the money conversation doesn’t necessarily protect the relationship. Sometimes it just keeps everyone guessing.
A pre-ask gives you a way to move forward with clarity, consent, and confidence.
What does a pre-ask sound like?
Imagine you’ve been talking with someone who cares deeply about your organization’s work. You’ve explored their values, learned why they give, and have a sense of where your organization fits in their philanthropy.
You think they might be ready to make a personally meaningful gift, but you aren’t sure whether $5,000 or $25,000 are the right numbers. Or maybe, for your organization, you’re wondering whether to ask for $100 or $1,000.
Instead of spending weeks debating the amount with your team, ask your donor this:
“We’re getting ready to invite a few people who share our values to make personally meaningful gifts to our mission. I’d like to talk with you about what that could look like for you, if you’re willing. Is that okay with you?”
That’s a pre-ask.
You’re not making the gift request yet. You’re getting consent to have a conversation about giving, and you’re giving the donor a chance to participate in shaping what comes next.
It’s magic. You feel powerful and human after. Your donor keeps agency and desire to help.
And you’ve opened the door to a much more useful conversation than another round of coffee and general updates.
What happens after the pre-ask?
If your donor says yes, wonderful! You now have permission to talk more directly about their giving.
This is where you can explore some of the money questions that are central to Values-Based Major Gifts:
Why do you give? What motivates this person to invest their resources in creating change?
Where does our organization fit in your philanthropy? How do they see your work alongside the other people, organizations, and causes they support?
What would a dream gift look like for you? If they could make the kind of impact they really want to make, what might that look like?
These questions help you understand not just someone’s capacity to give, but their desire to give.
And that distinction matters.
In VBMG, we’re interested in helping donors make gifts that are personally meaningful to them and advance the values they share with your organization. We don’t want to guess at what those gifts should be. We want donors to help us understand.
The answers can inform the amount you eventually request, the timing of that request, and the impact you invite the donor to make.
And if your donor isn’t ready to talk about giving? That’s useful information, too. You can ask what they’d like to know or experience before having that conversation.
Either way, you’re no longer guessing.
A pre-ask is not a trick
We want to be clear about something. The pre-ask isn’t a clever way to get someone to say yes before they know what they’re agreeing to.
It’s an invitation.
You’re being transparent that you’d like to discuss a financial gift, and you’re asking for their consent to have that conversation.
The donor can say yes, no, not now, or tell you what they’d prefer instead.
That’s what makes it a Values-Based approach. Both people have agency. Both people get to be honest about what they want. And both people can participate in shaping the relationship.
We think that’s a much better foundation for fundraising than trying to engineer the perfect moment to spring an ask on someone.
That donor giving you butterflies? Start here.
You probably have someone in mind right now.
The donor you’ve been meaning to ask but keep moving to next week’s to-do list. The person who seems interested but hasn’t made a significant gift. The longtime supporter who might be ready to deepen their investment, but you’re not sure how to bring it up.
Here’s something we’ve learned: Those butterflies usually aren’t telling you that you need more cultivation. They’re not necessarily telling you that you need more time. Often, they’re telling you that it’s time to get more direct and more clear.
And you can do that while keeping agency and consent at the forefront.
In fact, when you’re not sure what to do next, we encourage you to jump to the pre-ask. You don’t have to know exactly what you’re going to ask for yet. You can invite your donor to help you figure that out.
And if you’re feeling particularly nervous, it’s okay to say so. You might try:
“I want to get this right, and I know we don’t know each other very well yet. I think there might be an opportunity for you to make a meaningful gift to this work, but I’d really appreciate your guidance. Would you be willing to talk with me about what that might look like for you?”
It’s direct, honest, and human. You’re not pretending to know something you don’t. You’re inviting the donor into the conversation and giving them the opportunity to guide you.
And here’s something we hope will help with those butterflies: In our combined 50+ years of fundraising, we’ve never had a donor get angry or even grumpy about a pre-ask. We’ve had people say no. We’ve had people say not now. But that’s it.
You can handle a no. You can handle a not now. And both are a whole lot more useful than another six months of wondering.
So here’s our invitation: Pick one donor who’s giving you butterflies and try a pre-ask this week.
You don’t need another six months of coffee meetings to find out whether someone wants to invest in your work. Sometimes you just need to ask a more clear question.
And when you do, you might find that your donor is relieved to finally have the conversation, too.
That’s more ease and joy for everyone.
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